After a family gathering, one of my sons asked me, “Mom, how come people roll their eyes when your name is mentioned?” I don’t recall my reply, but today I would answer, they don’t understand me, and have judgments about what they have heard.
If I had been looking for approval from my closest relatives . . . or the world for that matter . . . for having ended my spiritual search with Awakening, I would have been greatly disappointed with that approval rating. But fortunately I have long since had no expectation from “others” during or even after my seeking phase. My spiritual quest was personal, and the opinion of “others” was not a consideration in my head or heart. I was looking for “Truth”, and their beliefs or thoughts about “me” were never influential or relevant. At some point I had realized that what one human thought of another had more to do with the one doing the thinking than the one being thought about. In other words, I had (and still do), subscribed to the theory that what others think of me “is none of my business.” This has served me well.
The reason I write about this now is that some of my students seem to be seeking awakening and enlightenment for the primary purpose of becoming more loving, improving their relationships, and finding a more accepting world around them. These are not good reasons for seeking TRUTH, because, as I stated above: what anyone thinks of you has more to do with them than with you.
Even though those who awaken may drop their judgments of themselves and others, and are on their way to becoming unconditionally loving to all — they can still be a subject of the ego-mind driven projections and judgments of those whom have not yet experienced the foundational truth of an authentic spiritual awakening . . . these latter, from their lack of understanding, direct their negative attitudes towards the one who they understand the least, and make him or her the object of their own inner disturbance. For example:
- my mother never got over the fact that I had received a new name, and continued to call me by the name she chose for me until the day she died, fourteen years later . . . symbolic of her continuous refusal to accept my spiritual inclinations.
- my ex-husband wanted a divorce because his wife had begun to change spiritually, and that made him uncomfortable.
- my children thought my channeling was weird and were embarrassed by it.
- friends who did not share my spiritual interests no longer called or responded to my invitations to get together.
- friends who did share my spiritual interests could not accept that I had begun channeling, or had awakened before they did, and so preferred to end our relationship rather than learn more about the wonderful new insights I had to share.
- some whom I have led to awakening have decided they were “more awake” than me, and have abandoned our relationship for other “teachers” supposedly more capable of helping them deepen their awakening.
I think you are beginning to get the picture . . . as my Awakened awareness became more refined many of those closest relationships felt less and less comfortable to be around me, and dropped out of my life completely.
So why would anyone choose, and continue to pursue Truth, only to watch their existing relationships fall apart — because the yearning for Truth comes from the True Self . . . the calling to find and live the TRUTH is stronger than caring what others think.
The soul’s inherent drive to be at peace within is more important than pretending to be what you are not, just to please “others.” Ultimately, the freedom of being unaffected by the opinions of others is of far greater value than the mind can even imagine . . . and it is well worth walking through fire for!
Living a life with Awakened Awareness, with or without the companionship of those you were previously influenced by, is worth whatever you must let go of to have it . . but, don’t just take my word for this, find out for your Self!